You are very nosy.

2010-03-19T13:28:00.000+09:00

2009-12-24T02:56:00.001+09:00

lasdjkljagjaobn b gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg gggggggga

aaga

ag asg aga a

Nepal

2009-12-24T02:54:00.001+09:00

The results are in!

2008-09-01T11:02:00.003+09:00

See me in there???

I am happy to report that we made it! The race was quite an extravaganza, as the above picture suggests. After the race, they posted up the number of participants, and to my surprise, there were over 20 000 people there hustling around. Here is how it unfolded:

We got there pretty early because we had missed the delivery of our race shirt/number and shoe tag to keep track of our times during the race, so we had to pick it up at the info booth. That was smooth, so we had some time to hang out, sip some water, do some stretches and watch Yeouido park fill up with eager runners.

At about 5:30 we started to get herded into the starting chute. We were well back into the pack, which I thought would be fine...more on that in a second...

The official start was at 6pm, and the race got underway as scheduled. Because of our spot in the queue to start, we arrived at the starting line at about 6:07 and for the next 3-400 meters, the pace was just above a walk as there wasn't much room to get into stride. Some people were already walking, finding out that they had had enough of jogging for one day. There was no general walk/run etiquette (ie. walking along the side rather than 5 abreast in the middle of the pack while snapping self pics), so it was more of an obstacle course out there, especially at the start. We managed to get into a bit of a rhythm though and crossed the 2.5k mark at about 20 minutes - not bad considering that as we turned to get on the Seogang bridge, the path narrowed and we came basically to a stand still for a few seconds. Rounding Seogang bridge, an ambulance and medical staff were tending to a few leg cramps and severe cases of athletes foot and at that point, the route opened up a bit wider and we were able to spread out a little bit. We wrapped back around to Mapo bridge and as we reached the 5k point, there was a hell of a clog where the water stations were. They were running out of cups, so we just grabbed a bottle of sun heated water and sipped and splashed ourselves as we kept rolling. LVJ and I ran together steadily until about the 8k point and then she needed a bit of a breather so we agreed to meet at the finish line. I just chugged along and was happy when I finally saw the finish line dangling like a carrot in front of me. I crossed with a total time of 1:11, and then LVJ dashed in about a minute after I did.

After not jogging much in the last couple of weeks, she did a hell of a job to get through it, although she is paying the price a bit today - walking around pretty gingerly. Anyway, we were both happy to accomplish something like that and celebrated by taking some muscle relaxants and going to bed.

The Human Race

2008-08-31T14:57:00.005+09:00

Guess Who's Back?

Well, the summer has been quite fun and eventful. I will try to get a few postings up to review the highs and lows of the past couple of months.

As for today, LVJ decided after seeing an ad in the subway a month ago that we should both run in the "Nike Human Race" 10K race. I usually keep my jogging to a minimum - a quick jog to the fridge for a beer in between UFC rounds - so I thought it would be a nice challenge.

I generally only jog for 10-20 minutes at the gym before working out, so I had never run over 3km in my life I don't think...until now. I talked to my friend Morrison a couple of days before taking off to Canada for some running tips and he gave me a few pearls of wisdom to get me off on the right foot. He is an avid runner and just the kind of positive thinker that I needed to get me motivated. Hopefully I will see him and can give him a high 5 as he burns past me or maybe just a polite wave as I squint to see him up ahead in the distance on the course today.

The first few days of running were torture, and trying to keep on some sort of running schedule while on vacation in Canada was no piece of cake, but I made it through reasonably well I thought. I have only reached the 10K mark twice in the past couple of weeks, but I have some sliver of confidence that they aren't going to have to scoop me up in a meat wagon as I am doubled over and vomiting in Yeouido Park this afternoon. As for LVJ, she has been taking more of a minimalist training approach and saving her energy for race day.

I will report back with the results...no matter how shameful they might be...

VJTV Morning Line Up

2008-03-11T05:47:00.002+09:00

By popular demand, here is the morning line up for all of you TV addicts...

	KBS	VJTV
6am	Gag concert - The best baking pan reactions	News - Did Obama drink iced tea? Thorough analysis.
6:30am	Gag Concert - Quasi celebrities wear matching shirts	Happy Days - Fonzie loses his cool when he gets a brush for his 40th birthday.
7am	Gag Concert - Quasi celebrities try steer wrestling.	Three's Company - Larry's slacks send mixed signals to Mrs. Roper.
7:30am	Gag Concert - Quasi celebrities talk frankly (and hilariously) about their dancing	The Simpsons - A reenactment of an old episode of Chico and the Man proves that they are fresh out of ideas.
8am	Gag concert - The best multiple replayed shocked looks	VJ Morning Show - Some chipper bastards make you wish you had never gotten up in the first place.

Preview to an update

2008-03-08T11:58:00.004+09:00

This is not an update
Although there are several thrilling things to write, I do not have the time, nor the energy to do this right now. Please check your local listings for updates in your area.

	KBS	VJTV
7pm	Gag Concert - Quasi celebrities do silly stuff	Happy Days - Malph ruins Fonzie's office for the whole afternoon.
7:30pm	Gag Concert - Best of Gag Concert	House - Someone gets a lumbar puncture and an MRI
8pm	Gag Concert (replay) - Quasi celebrities do silly stuff	CSI - The gang investigates Horatio's missing acting skills.
8:30pm	More of the same shit	Survivor - In case you haven't heard enough bitching and whining already today.

Maroon 5 - Seoul

2008-03-08T11:53:00.003+09:00

Went with LVJ to the Maroon 5 concert last night at Olympic Gymnasium. I know a lot of their songs by osmosis, and was expecting a pleasant time, but was surprised because they really rocked the party. It also helped that the audience was really into it and freaking out, which added to the energy of the whole event. I don't know if I have been to a concert where the audience stood and screamed throughout the whole set. It was a hell of a lot of fun, and LVJ had a blast.

Here's a clip of what I thought was one of their best numbers of the evening, although for the final encore, they came out and played a very moody version of "Purple Rain" which blew me away as well.

Enjoy:

Part - PDC World Darts Champion

2008-01-04T00:32:00.000+09:00

John Part does it again...

JOHN PART 7-2 KIRK SHEPHERD
(3-2, 3-2, 3-0, 3-0, 2-3, 3-2, 2-3, 3-1, 3-2)

Why was this not the lead story on tsn?

2008...

2008-01-04T00:14:00.000+09:00

Happy New Year from all of us here at VonJackass Enterprises. There are a couple of announcements that administration wanted to pass on to all of you:

For those of you who have already given up on using your four or five copies of a "2008 Yearly Planner / Diary", you can turn them in to the nearest Juvenile Correction center where today's misguided youth will painstakingly scratch off part of the 8 to make it look like a 9, then return them to the local pet shop, banking institution, plumbing supply store and / or jewelery shop. You can look forward to receiving them again in December 2008.

New Year's Resolutions bringing you down? Not to worry friends. The majority of humans on this Earth started rationalizing the breaking of their resolutions at approximately 3:14pm GMT on January 1st, so take heart...you aren't as weak-willed as you think you are.

Let's make 2008 the year that ends spam mail. Let's get serious already...is anyone really seriously considering slopping their credit card number down to get some risky prescription medications, a wang enlarging kit or to free up a few millions trapped in a Nigerian bank account? Furthermore, those forwarding internet jokes / chain letters / cartoons should be punished by having to use a 14400 modem for 1 year. Any time I see the subject line of an email that says "I thought this was cute" it moves me one step closer to the edge of insanity.

VJ Enterprises is set to release the best and worst of the year that was...watch for it on the weekend...prime ad space is going fast, so book today to avoid disappointment.

Blue Bulls Christmas

2007-12-20T22:34:00.000+09:00

Thought we here at VonJackass Enterprises should get in the Christmas spirit with one of my favourites. As Christmas approaches, it is usually the time of year when I miss the family back home the most, and I am glad and grateful to have my "family" in Korea to spend the holidays with. "Uncle Dean and Aunt Jumi" are once again hosting Christmas dinner, but because of everyone's work schedules, we are having it on the 23rd. Maybe a bit of skating on Christmas Eve if anyone is up for it???? LVJ and I went out to Olympic Park to the outdoor rink there on Tuesday night and it was surprisingly excellent. W1000 to skate for an hour, including the skate rental, and there were only about 30 people there. Not sure if anyone else is game, but if you are, let me know!

Mother Nature's Golden Gems

2007-12-20T22:01:00.000+09:00

No post for a while...working is tearing the life out of me. Tick Tick Tick...vacation will be here sooner or later. Thankfully though, my Christmas present to myself arrived today! John Part Golden Hero 26g. Hoot hoot. Took them out for a tear with Colin at RMT in Hongdae this evening. They started off a bit erratic, but once I found my groove, they were flying pretty well. Nothing like some new darts to inspire a guy to hit the practice boards and look for a lot of excuses to get out and throw. Trying to rework Saturday's schedule so that I can attend the season ending tourney, as I have never made it out to that extravaganza yet in 4 seasons. Took a sneak preview at the Goat's new Taylors and they are looking quite vicious as well. I guess at the very least, even if we fall apart during the season, we will still be looking good out there with everyone on the Bulls decked out with new spears.

To the oche I say!

p.s. I'm not sure what the "3 in a bed" flights mean exactly, but I will cover all angles just to be safe.

When Denis Lemieux speaks, you listen.

2007-11-27T23:55:00.000+09:00

For my Korean friends...here is a quick run down on the rules of hockey.

Weekend Fun

2007-11-25T22:14:00.000+09:00

I was wondering what to do over the weekend, and I had SFA planned, so I thought that I would get into the Christmas spirit with my annual Christmas light extravaganza. This may look like a lot of work, but it was surprisingly easy to do. With nothing more than a rope ladder, a roll of aluminum foil, a set of pocket mirrors, a chainsaw and a tin of raspberry jam, I managed to set this up in just under 19 hours. Of course, LVJ was on hand with a hard hat, clip board and a whistle to check the schematics and bark out instructions.

In an unexpected perk, Korea Electric Co. sent me out a Gold Membership card which gets me 10% off any dried squid combo at participating Megabox Movie Theaters. They have also named a uranium rod after me.

Big Bad Bill (is Sweet William now)

2007-11-22T22:07:00.000+09:00

This is seemingly old news, but it is new to me, so I thought it was blog worthy.

Bill Nye apparently caused the residents of Waco to freak out when he talked about the sun and the moon. Are people really this moronic? The answer, oh my brothers, is "yes, yes they are."

Read on:

The Emmy-winning scientist angered a few audience members when he criticized literal interpretation of the biblical verse Genesis 1:16, which reads: “God made two great light, the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars.”

He pointed out that the sun, the “greater light” is but one of countless stars and that the “lesser light” is the moon, which really is not a light at all, rather a reflector of light.

A number of audience members left the room at that point, visibly angered by what some perceived as irreverence.
“We believe in a God!” exclaimed one woman as she left the room with three young children.

In "a" god? Meaning they believe in one of many gods? Well, who knows...I gotta wonder though, if people are going to get all bent out of shape over the luminescence of the moon, what the hell are they doing at a "Science" lecture anyway? Just hang out with the elders of your church, eat dainties in the basement, and bitch and moan about how everything would be better if everyone else were more like you.

_______

In this picture, Bill can be seen juggling what is known as a beach ball made of carbon and hydrogen as he warmed up for his speech in Waco.

Post speech reaction as angry Texans stormed out of the auditorium. Nye was misquoted in the Waco Tribune as saying, "Aw come on guys...don't be like that. Okay, judging by your angry reaction, I have crossed the line and I admit that I don't know what I am talking about...the moon really does emit light."
His precise words actually were, "Come on people, you gotta believe me. Look at me, I have a bow tie on. A bow tie for fuck sakes! Well Jim, I guess you were right...we should have just inhaled helium out of balloons and made funny voices like you suggested. Always a crowd pleaser around here. These hay seeds aren't ready for this fancy book learning yet. Give them 3 more generations."

Now enjoy this video...

Communication Breakdown

2007-11-17T10:59:00.000+09:00

Which one of these characters do you identify with more?

Darts Round-Up

2007-11-17T10:25:00.000+09:00

It came down to the crunch, which is the way it is supposed to be. We played Alley Ratz, who we had been chasing all season and were 2 points behind going into Monday night's action. We needed a 3 point win to clinch 1st place. Our home, Bless U, closed down for renovations on Sunday, so we lost our home board advantage, if there is such a thing, but we popped next door to Dolce and locked horns over there instead.

Play was a bit tentative, maybe because of some jitters, maybe because of the -4 temperature in Dolce at game time, maybe a bit of both, or maybe neither at all, but play started heating up as we battled through the matches. All were good and close matches as was expected. In a darts league first though, there was a heated exchange between our team and a member of the Alley Ratz. In Koichi's first leg against Eric, Eric thought that he would try to pad his stats rather than shoot for the win, so with only 1 or 2 bulls for the win, he tried to throw 5 marks on open numbers even though he was over 100 points ahead already. Koichi battled to catch up, but was too far behind. It was just a ridiculous case of poor sportsmanship, so The Goat and I piped in with a few choice words after the first leg finally ended. In a case of poetic justice though, in the 3rd leg, Eric also tried to do the same thing with 18's open and the lead, but Koichi hammered the bulls for about 5 rounds to catch up, then Eric missed the open 18's a couple of times and Koichi zinged a dart into the triple to win. Basically, being a prick cost Eric the game. He was quite proud of himself afterwards for some reason. That one leg meant a lot in the end though.

We split the doubles games, which took us to the team game to decide 1st and 2nd. If we won, we would have a 3 leg victory...of we lost, we would remain in 2nd. After only winning maybe 2 team games all last season, we have really picked it up this season and started concentrating on winning. Everyone played a steady game, and I was glad to hit the double 4 to put the final nail in the coffin for victory. 1st place baby! woohoo.

We have a bye this week for the first round of playoffs, and then will play the winner of FFOD and Cake Mix...the only two teams we lost to this season, so it should be wild.

Finally...someone was thinking.

2007-10-29T11:17:00.000+09:00

Here is an ad campaign that I thought was quite interesting. While the authenticity of the dates in the photos is debatable, the effect is quite powerful. For the amount of time and money spent on marketing, it is good to see that someone still has a good idea once in a while.
(note: click to enlarge the photos...the date is key)

Venn Diagram of the Day

2007-10-29T11:15:00.001+09:00

Space 1999

2007-10-20T22:01:00.000+09:00

Over at Barry's place for one of his BBBQ bash extravaganzas last weekend (the extra B is for BYOB) and I noticed that he had the collection of "Space 1999" on DVD. My heart stopped momentarily (and not just from the meats - which were smoked and grilled to perfection I must say) because as a young lad, that show seemed to burrow its way into my psyche and send me into nightmares. I finally had a chance to search around and I found the culprits that caused me so many fits and terrors.

Look at this picture at your own risk. If it should cause you nightmares, call my parents...they will calm you down. (my advice though...make sure the blankets and sheets of your bed are perfectly smooth, and don't look at the plaid curtains as they will appear very large)

Whatever these things are, I hope they rot in hell.

K1 World GP

2007-09-30T16:38:00.000+09:00

An awesome day of fights out at Olympic Gymnasium yesterday as Colin and I headed out to take in the K1 final 16. Here is a break down of the good and the bad:

Good:

Schilt serving up a stiff knee to the chops putting Slowinski to sleep
Park Young Soo dancing around with his hands at his waist and LeBanner taking advantage of it by flooring him with one punch
Bonjasky serving up a flying knee to the forehead of Leko. Leko wasn't interested in asking for seconds.
Hari giving Viney a whomping / KO
Our seats were great. Thanks to LVJ for helping arrange that.
the production was quite smooth and professional looking. The arena atmosphere was quite exciting

Bad

Fujimoto...just terrible. It was an embarrassment for everyone. He was tumbling around the ring like a class of grade 3 students practicing log rolls and somersaults with Mrs. Kroupa (remember that fierce bitch?).
Sefo / Aerts fight was lame. Sefo was not up to par at all and quit after round 1.
Mighty Mo and Choi Hong Man. Again, Choi did nothing at all and somehow ended up getting a decision. At one point he did manage to kick Mighty Mo in the nads, but the ref wouldn't stop for a break, even though everyone from Choi to the judges to the ushers up in the crow's nest knew it was low. As Choi walked around with a guilty expression, Mo took a short break and leaned against the ropes, touching his knee to the canvas, at which point the ref called him down and he got an 8 count. What a joke.

Update...I just found a clip of the incident. Decide for yourself. If you can watch this without wincing, then I guess it was fair and square.

The venue facilities were fucking brutal! Was this really an Olympic venue?
Most of the lower concourse was blocked off, leaving 3-4 closet sized washrooms...lined up out the door most of the time.
No vendors selling any kind of K1 memorabilia
only 2 drink / snack vending booths that I saw on our level of the arena. The 3 hour line to get a bag of squid just wasn't worth it.
Drink vending machines opposite the section gate doors making it impossible to get in or out of the gate due to huge lines waiting to buy a pepsi from a machine
Who knows why, but an unreasonable number of people couldn't figure out how to find their seats. Come on people...the seat numbers are in order for Christ sake. Ushers were doing SFA (too busy noticing obvious low blows) which made for about 5 arguments in our section alone as people were having a hell of a time counting up to 100 to find their chair.

Most of the fight clips are on youtube already. Here's a taste

The reverse peep hole

2007-09-19T21:28:00.000+09:00

This is an awesome picture taken from Death Valley. Think of it as the reverse image of the photo I posted up a few days ago. It is a fairly large pic, so click on it to view it in its splendor.

Dumb-ass gets Jolted Back to Reality

2007-09-19T18:32:00.001+09:00

By now, if you live on the earth, you have seen the video of the chap who rattles on at a Kerry speech and then gets tossed out by the cops and as he tumbles around like Charlie Chaplin, Captain Kirk sets his weapon to "stun" and gives the guy a bit of a perm.

It is all very laughable, but what I am really starting to find hilarious is the growing list of anile comments surrounding the whole thing. Posters seem to come from 1 of 7 camps:

1) The guy was acting like a clown, wrestling away from the cops, and deserved what he got
2) Bush destroyed the constitution of the US, so the cops can do what they want because of the Patriot act
3) Free speech is lost
4) Kerry is to blame because he sicked his goons on the poor, helpless guy
5) Kerry was dodging the guy's questions instead hopping off the stage and helping him
6) Blame the Liberals
7) Blame the Republicans

Let's put this in a different setting and see which of these seem logical...

a) You are in a bongo truck selling fruits, vegetables and fish. The cops tell you to buzz off. You say, "Okay...after I blast this horn for a few more minutes." They start to escort you away. You start yelling and wriggling to get away from them. Well...now you are in a lot of shit. Whose fault is that? Is it Bush's fault? Is it the liberals' fault? Does it now mean that the free market economy is dead? No. It is YOUR fault for being a show off and a dumb ass. (personal side note...I would LOVE to get Spock out of retirement and shoulder roll out from behind a parked car and zap each and every bongo truck driver sitting in front of my house)
b) When you are stopped for speeding and the cops tell you to "stay in the car" do you reply, "No officer...after all that speeding I need to get out and stretch my legs here..."? Only if you want to get tazed.

I guess the kid was just getting carried away on the adrenaline of being cool in front of his classmates...sadly, now this idiotic stunt will open the door to more ass-hattery and probably make that jackass rich as he makes the rounds talking to Oprah, O'Reilly, Limbaugh, Maher, Regis, Leno...whoever.

*In this photo - In one of the earliest recorded uses of the stun gun, housewife Helen Needlebaum stealthily zaps her husband with a Tesla coil by tricking him into holding what he thinks is a newly invented kind of soup ladle. When interviewed afterwards as to the reason for the shock treatment, Needlebaum replied, "Well, that jerk said he liked my hair better longer. Bastard. That'll make him think twice."
Hell hath no fury, my friends.

Mastering English

2007-09-19T00:27:00.000+09:00

Why didn't I read this article BEFORE I slogged through that masters program? I could have instead just taken a weekend course to become a driving instructor and gotten the same (and in some cases better) results. Read on...

Czech crash victim wakes up speaking English

September 14, 2007 10:25am

Article from:

A CZECH speedway driver knocked unconscious in a crash stunned ambulance drivers when he woke up speaking perfect English.

18-year-old Matej Kus was out cold for 45 minutes after the crash, but when he woke up he conversed fluidly in English with paramedics, even speaking in an English accent.

The teenager had just begun to study the language and his skills were described by friends and team-mates as “basic at best”.

Peter Waite, the promoter for Kus's team, the Berwick Bandits, told the Daily Mail: "I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"It was in a really clear English accent, no dialect or anything. Whatever happened in the crash must have rearranged things in his head.

"Before his crash Matej's use of the English language was broken, to put it mildly.

"He was only just making a start on improving it and struggled to be understood, but was keen to learn.

"Yet here we were at the ambulance door listening to Matej talking to the medical staff in perfect English.

"Matej didn't have a clue who or where he was when he came round. He didn't even know he was Czech.

"It was unbelievable to hear him talk in unbroken English."

Unfortunately, the speedway driver's new found skills didn’t last and he remembers nothing of the accident or the following two days. He is now keen pursue studies in English.

He told the Daily Mail, through an interpreter: "It's unbelievable that I was speaking English like that, especially without an accent.

"Hopefully I can pick English up over the winter for the start of next season so I'll be able to speak it without someone having to hit me over the head first.

"There must be plenty of the English language in my subconscious so hopefully I'll be able to pick it up quickly next time."

LVJ Rings the Bell

2007-09-16T20:52:00.000+09:00

After digging back in to TOEIC after a couple of years since last dabbling into it, LVJ has made the impossible possible and rung up a perfect 990 score. Great great.

Lessons to be learned from this:
1) Studying actually works
2) The old "I didn't hear / understand you" excuse is out the window.
3) Listening to me rattle on about a bunch of bullshit eventually pays off. (in fact, I can't take any credit for her score...unless there were questions about darts, hockey, Saskatchewan or cuts of meat.)

We are something in nothing

2007-09-16T20:46:00.001+09:00

A picture of Earth taken from Mars.

" This is the first image ever taken of Earth from the surface of a planet beyond the Moon. The image is a mosaic of images taken by the rover's navigation camera showing a broad view of the sky, and an image taken by the rover's panoramic camera of Earth. The contrast in the panoramic camera image was increased two times to make Earth easier to see. The inset shows a combination of four panoramic camera images zoomed in on Earth. The arrow points to Earth. Earth was too faint to be detected in images taken with the panoramic camera's color filters. "

Browse around the main site if you have time. There are some phenomenal pics on there.
http://photojournal.jpl.nasa.gov/

The more I think about it, the more it ties my mind into a reef knot.

Chomp along with Chomsky

2007-09-14T23:14:00.000+09:00

"If we choose, we can live in a world of comforting illusion."

Been reading through several Chomsky essays, interviews and books as of late. Interesting for sure. I have been wanting to slog through a bunch of his linguistics and political stuff for some time, but never really had a chance. Now with really SFA to do, reading is a joy.

In fact, I have lots of stuff to blog up these days, but I am just not that motivated right now to sit still and type. This weekend...

He's a brainiac, brainiac on the floor!

2007-08-29T16:57:00.000+09:00

...Click here for one of the most entertaining articles ever written. The frightening thing is that this guy's opinion is not unique. Scary scary stuff.

Here is a little taste of what Hanmi Semiconductor Chairman Kwak Noh Kwon has to offer:

"While I was traveling around the world conducting semiconductor business for over 40 years, I realized Koreans are the smartest, most sophisticated and best educated people."

Holy Fuck.

I am proud to say that after living here for 8 years, I have absorbed as much of the "genius vibe" as I can handle. A simple foreigner can not understand the complexities of the clever and cunning ajoshi, but I gave it my best...and that's all a poor rube can do.

A tribute to a great hoax

2007-08-24T14:39:00.000+09:00

This ad mysteriously appeared a couple of years ago in one of the expat magazines that circulate around Seoul. It seemed to have caused quite an uproar, and even made its way to Jay Leno's "Headlines" segment. I was browsing through some old pics today and came across it, so I thought it should be reborn. It was of course a hoax, but many people took it to heart, and according to the 2 guys responsible (Canadians - haha), they received shitloads of email from angry Canucks who felt obliged to point out their obvious hypocrisy.

Hilarious then...hilarious now.

B.Y.O.S.H. Party (Bring your own shoe horn)

2007-08-22T19:43:00.000+09:00

Anyone up for the beach? A bit of frisbee, building a sand castle, flipping through a novel as the waves gently lap against the sand...

Honestly, under what circumstances would you say, "Hey honey, let's head out to Haeundae Beach today"?

Monday Night Mishmash

2007-08-22T13:28:00.000+09:00

Due to military operations, we had a rare Monday off in the SIDL, so The Big C and I headed out to Itaewon to hang out with Roddy and the boys before their game. After having a bite to eat and some ice cold beverages, Colin was called away to do some entertaining and I headed over to Bless U to chat with Margaret and Welles and just generally hang out. Around 10:30, Koichi, Youb and I were playing cricket when the lads from Take it Easy and also TAP popped into the bar. The mood was festive and something seemed up, but I wasn't sure what. Then with a full tray of Jager for all, Colin presented me with my "degree"! Haha. Classic move.

I would like to thank Roddy, Gina and John for officially signing my Masters, and especially I want to thank Colin for motivating me to get through those last few classes by sending me photos of his degree along with quotes such as "get to work" "only 2 more papers" and "quit wasting time!" It seems like a short time ago that Colin and I first sat down in TOZ and cracked open unit 1 of linguistics, but when I think about the cramming and reading involved in the whole process, I can only say that I am glad it is behind me. Colin had his own motivation for getting it done, and I must admit that he kept on task and on schedule to finish up in 16 months. I couldn't keep up that torrid pace, but I knew that I had to just keep tapping away at it and eventually it would be finished. Looking back, I could have worked harder or put more effort in, but generally I am satisfied with the results. Hopefully the degree will continue to prove valuable in the years to come.

My real degree is still on its way from USQ, but this copy will certainly sit proudly on my book case as well. Thank you friends and family.

The Tiger and the Rabbit

2007-08-19T19:23:00.000+09:00

I have often heard that the shape of the Korean peninsula is the same as the general shape of a tiger. I have never been able to really see it, and usually it seemed to look more like a bunny rabbit.
See for yourself:

Now check out this adorable and delicious bunny:

Almost the same, no?

Alas, I discovered the general gestalt of the tiger through tireless searches and neck twisting, squinting and creative cartography:

Exactly!
I would say that contortionist tigers were ahead of their time. In an ultimate example of man imitating nature for profit, Chinese circus acts were quick to copy the tiger's malleable bone twisting display and are now world famous for not only getting 32 ladies on a tiny bicycle, but also acts of flexibility that cause regular stiff legged folk to gasp in dismay.
Where did it all lead, you may ask? Well, eventually, out of our own secret desires to be circus performers (and to a lesser extent, tigers), the wonderful world of yoga was created.

Notice how this move closely resembles the general outline of Finland.

And now you know. Tell a friend.

Computer woes

2007-08-04T12:02:00.001+09:00

What the hell? My computer has taken it upon itself to suddenly turn off at random, which is maddening and also galling. Thus I have decided that I am going to get back to basics (or BASIC) and buy this gem. I am not sure if it is internet compatible, so this may be the last you see of me. If you need me, I will be playing Outrun.

Cats?

2007-08-04T11:23:00.000+09:00

Last night LVJ and I took in a performance of Cats. There were a lot of cats jumping around, as you might imagine, and some of those cats could really sing.
I'm not exactly sure what has made that production popular for 30 years, but it was for the most part entertaining. LVJ really enjoyed it, although I think she was eager to see more cats walking around our part of the seating area. There are several times during the show that the cats are running through the audience or coming in through the side doors and doing some stunts on the way to the stage. Even during the intermission, a few cats were running through the audience doing flips and twirls. Cool to see them up close.

Coincidentally, I bumped into an old friend there during the intermission. I asked him how he was enjoying the show and he replied, "The tickets were pretty expensive, so I am trying to enjoy it!"

Harry Potter Spoilers

2007-07-21T22:55:00.000+09:00

Let me save you the trouble of reading the new Potter book...let's cut to the chase:

Ron sees a barber for the first time. He gets a complimentary comb.
Harry discovers a spell (Shakius Bakius) for making tender and crispy fried owl in seconds.
You-know-who is caught doing you-know what and is sent to you know where for who knows how long.
Hermione is accused of toying with Snape's wand. Snape claims that he wasn't aware that there was a 247 year age difference between them.
Prof. McGonagall uses an "engorgio" spell to catch the eye of Dumbledore.
Malfoy drops out and starts his own "street magic" program on FOX network.
Hagrid realizes that the suburbs have a lot to offer and moves into a 3 bedroom bungalow.
J.K Rowling proves that all the religious crack pots who banned / burned the books in their communities were on the right track. If you read chapter 17 backwards, it clearly instructs children that there is power in Satan, Potter is their overlord, Voldemort was a symbolic representation of Jesus and that if you have read the entire series, you will become unable to distinguish fantasy from reality and probably develop blood lust.

Hungry?

2007-07-11T23:10:00.000+09:00

These days, with movies pushing 3 hours, numbing both our minds and our asses, the average squid snack just doesn't cut it. By the 90 minute mark, you are left with nothing but the eyes, or just crumbs to go along with the watery memory of your pepsi as the ice melts and the waxy cup begins to disintegrate. Fear not though, squid are up to the challenge and have responded to Hollywood's self indulgence by taking one more step up the evolutionary ladder and releasing their newest hybrid: Bob Homme Squid.

They chose the name out of respect for their hero, The Friendly Giant, who "through the use of an alto recorder was able to find serenity, even with that Jerome acting like a fool and hyper-active hen Rusty shooting his beak off all over the castle."

p.s. I know that a hen isn't a he, but "hyper active rooster" just doesn't have the same ring to it, so never mind.

The fans are calling for updates

2007-07-08T00:35:00.000+09:00

Dear Reader(s)
Long time no posting. Here are a few updates to tide us both over.

- My master's degree is finished. Ahhhhhh...what a relief. Getting that last assignment done was a real pain in the beach ball, but eventually it wrapped up.

- Whitney and Georgia are here! We have been touring around and sight seeing, shopping, checking out soccer games, trying weird food, dabbling into Seoul night life, and generally hanging out. We are having a pretty good time, and there is more to come!

- It's humid.

- I finally beat "hatty" Jae Hak at Bulls! Having lost my soft tips a while ago, I used some house darts off the table. Strangely, they flew rather well for me. He was gracious in defeat and gave me a new set of soft tips.

- Back to work on Monday. Five weeks of intensive English fun coming up. Only working mornings, so it should be quite okay. I am putting together a new blog for the course, so those interested can stay up to date at: www.hongikheli.blogspot.com

- I have been trying to get through the first season of 24. I have several times resisted just skipping to the last episode to see how it all ends. Patience..patience.

- I have somehow been banned from the Seoul Metropolitan Police website because of my eager and sarcastic complaints about the noise factor in our neighbourhood. Not to worry though...I will start posting from Hongik! haha

- I saw this car driving by the other day. Spiffy.

The choice is yours my friends

2007-06-12T23:58:00.000+09:00

If you would like to have your mind officially blown, watch this:

If you don't want to risk it, watch this:

If you can't make up your mind about either one of them, then watch this and feel better about yourself:

Miss Canada

2007-06-04T10:45:00.000+09:00

LVJ was telling me that during the recent Miss (Universe / World / Galaxy / Solar system) contest, the ladies were dressed in their home countries' traditional garb for one of the judges events. Apparently, the Canadian strolled out in this number:

Being a Leafs fan, I am all for it...
Sadly though, the judges didn't see it my way, and like the rest of the Leafs, Miss Canada is now laying on the sofa back home, playing x-Box and scratching herself.

Students protesting - give it a rest already

2007-06-04T10:31:00.000+09:00

Yesterday, a drive through down town was slowed by students protesting (what else but) some kind of anti-American bullshit. Two things came to mind immediately: Why were there a few white dudes in the mix? Have they not yet realized that to 99% of Koreans if you are white, you are an American? Secondly, if those students would put even half of that effort into actually studying and learning something about the world, the protests would probably stop.
Hey, if you have a beef and want to protest something, that is your right. Even though the democracy of South Korea is crumbling under Roh Moo Hyun's government (see the latest media blackout as an example), the freedom to express your views are supposedly what keeps people in line. However, from my thousands of conversations with university students about politics and about the West in general, the average university freshman has no fucking clue how to decide what to eat for lunch without their Mom telling them, let alone process international politics. All they know is that it is "cool" and trendy to get out and hate someone...Japan, USA, China, whoever...it doesn't matter. For that, I nominate those people who were out yesterday spreading around hatred rather than enjoying a gorgeous Sunday for this:

K-1 Dynamite? More like a birthday candle

2007-06-04T10:12:00.000+09:00

K-1 yesterday was (for the lack of a better expression) absolute shite. The outdoor venue was unsuitable...the fighters had about a kilometer to get to the ring, the production looked shoddy and disorganized, and most importantly of all, the fights were junk. Even the much anticipated Sakuraba - Gracie rematch was bogus. I honestly think it was fixed, or just some kind of contractual obligation, so they went out and rolled around the canvas like gymnasts doing a log roll. Pride and UFC have professional looking events, but K-1 is falling apart. That was a horrible live event to have going on in the US. Most of the audience were L.A. kyopos anyway...there to see two Korean fighters. Choi Hong Man was supposed to fight, but withdrew at the 11th hour due to fear of Brock Lesnar.
I would say that the most entertaining part of the whole event was Il Hee cheering on Yoon Dong Sik in his match. Yoon had a pretty swollen eye, which looked quite gross. Upon seeing the eye, LVJ was out for revenge and screamed with feverish intensity, "Come on Yoon...blind him!" Hilarious. Sure sure, on the outside she is an adorable sweetheart, but on the inside lurks the heart of an assassin.

Love is patient, love is kind, love is delusional...

2007-06-04T09:30:00.000+09:00

Pretty slack around here at VonJackass Enterprises lately. My editor was in a workshop all week and some of the staff were on strike due to lack of fringe benefits. I resolved that problem though by firing them.

Many blog-worthy things have happened over the last week, so I will do my best to exaggerate them into something even more interesting.

Part 1 - A tale of two hapless morons

Chatting with a former HUFS student of mine, she expressed her depression and sadness about her boyfriend heading off to military service and then after that is done, he has to go abroad to study for a year. This is a reasonably common situation here with the mandatory military service of just over 2 years. She was going on and on about how they couldn't see each other for almost 3 years except when he gets the odd weekend off...blah blah sickening blah.
When asked, "How long have you been dating?" the answer came quickly
"Since Friday. I met him at Club Day in Hongdae Friday night."
"3 Days?!?!??" I exclaimed.
"No no no. Four days."
As whacked as I thought it was, I can maybe have around 1% of understanding. No, on second thought, it is just stupid. I wrapped up the conversation and chalked it up to logic being on vacation for the summer.

Saturday though, in a chilling coincidence, I heard almost the same story come from a gal who works at Cinema English. She has worked there for almost a year and I usually chat with her every week while we wait to teach. She is quite friendly and easy going, but she was on edge and freaking out as she waited for a phone message. I asked her if she was expecting an important call or something, and she explained to me that her boyfriend, who is usually very reliable, hadn't phoned her or messaged her in 3 days. As any guy knows, that in itself is punishable by a swift shot to the yarbles. However, when I asked how long they had been dating, she told me "a week". I squinted and nodded to keep from smiling.

Please keep in mind kids...if you believe in romance like your Uncle VonJackass does, remember that dating can be tricky, so use your brain once in a while.

Vaguely related, but a classic all the same:

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."

-- Rodney Dangerfield.

King of the Bongo

2007-05-26T12:29:00.000+09:00

Saturday morning...I woke up in the usual way: the soothing monotone bark of a bongo truck outside my window, followed by my cranky next door neighbour's screams, topped off by my two word salute to the driver.
This week marks the smooth slide out of the semester, as two of my classes at "the Power Station" are wrapping up, as well as my Saturday movie class. After almost 3 years of teaching every Saturday, it feels like a great relief to know that today is the end of the line. I don't mean to say that I had any problem with the class, in fact, I rather enjoyed it most of the time, and met a lot of cool people along the way. It was time, however, to become a Monday - Friday slave and keep the weekends open for other endeavours (BBQing meat, playing darts, poker, squash, napping, blogging, writing about blogging, blogging about BBQing, and BBQing squash).

Thursday was Buddha's Birthday, which is a National Holiday and a day off in Korea...except for "foreigners" it seems. Hongik required us (English, Chinese and Japanese teachers) to work even though the Korean professors, staff, janitors, students and everyone else in the country was taking the day off. As you might imagine, classes were pretty meager...only a few students were on the campus, so most of the 20 or so professors on hand passed the time drinking coffee and making off hand remarks. Not sure what the deal is with that, but even back in the old Hanguk University of Foreign Studies days, they made us go to work during Korean Thanksgiving - the biggest holiday in the country - which amounted to 6 English professors sitting around an empty campus for 8 hours. What's the point of them doing that you may wonder? Everyone else was wondering as well, including our students. The answer, dear readers, can only be found when you have stripped your mind of all ability to use logic and reason. Then and only then will you be able to understand the mindset of the business practices in the land of the morning bongo truck.

Saskatchewan Artists...what is the value of art?

2007-05-19T12:02:00.000+09:00

This morning's news featured a few eye catching items:

1) Victoria Day in Canada...

A time when Canadians all take to their cabins, Pinesol in tow, and see what surprises nature has left them over the winter. Could it be a cob web, could it be a leaky roof, could it be a rotting raccoon carcass caught in a stove pipe? The answers can only be ascertained once the creaky, warped door is opened and you regain your bearings after inhaling the 1-2 punch of last fall's season ending "leftover cookout extravaganza" mixed with the ever-present musty box spring and mattress combo.

2) Snow in Saskatchewan

This is a certain sign of global warming, as it is usually -30 at this time of year, and everyone knows that it never snows when it is that cold. (for those of you not familiar with Saskatchewan, that is a joke...albeit a cold one)

3) Artists lobby for better pay

Artists in Sask. are trying to organize a union, which boggles my mind. Now, I am no artist, and I must admit that my most feared class in all of elementary school was art because I had no skill, talent, ability, luck, or appreciation for it. A couple of quotes worth mentioning:

"Artist organizations have argued creative people are underpaid in Saskatchewan and that better legislation could result in higher incomes. The proposed law would allow scales to be set for the payment of artists that would establish minimum pay."

"The stalling of the bill led to some debate in the legislature Thursday and some finger pointing at the Saskatchewan Party. "They want to continue to keep artists poor," NDP MLA Pat Atkinson said."

Now it seems to me that assigning a specific value to art work devalues it entirely. Just like in most other professions, if you are good at what you do, then you will get paid accordingly. If you are not, keep working at it until you are. Enjoying art is a personal preference; what I may find impressive, another may find boring or offensive. I might be willing to drop $1000 dollars on something someone else finds distasteful and wouldn't pay a penny for. The accusation "they want to continue to keep artists poor" is a laugh. First, I do believe that throughout history, the vast majority of artists have been relatively poor and are not hung up on the materialism of what they do, and secondly, what reason would there be for anyone to want to hold artists down? If people love your artwork, then by all means, sell it until your heart (and bank account) is content. If they don't, it isn't the government's fault.

"Oh those rich sculptors, when will they get off their high horse?"

Anthony's bachelor party

2007-05-13T22:43:00.000+09:00

A group of about 15 of us thought that the recently opened "Hooters" pub in Apkujung would be an appropriate place to kick off Anthony's bachelor party, and for the most part, we were right about that. I have never been to Hooters in Canada, but I imagine that the concept is pretty much the same, with the major difference being that Canadian waitresses have bigger...trays...yes...trays for carrying your order to your table.
After Justin's nightmare of a bachelor party, we hoped to keep the razors, bondage gear, emergency room visits, photo opportunities and markers to a minimum, and I think we achieved success. There are some pretty wacky photos of the Hooters antics floating around (keep an eye on the Goat's page in upcoming days) but generally we were about as well behaved as 15 guys can be when they are out on the town.
Second stop was "The Loft" in Itaewon. I had never been there before, but a few guys vouched for its fun atmosphere, so we headed up there and mixed it up for a while...bumping into several of our coworkers by chance. Anthony was still holding it together quite well around midnight, and we thought that we should get over to Bless U where we could have a little pool / darts tourney or something like that to keep everyone entertained and on edge. The Old Man sent us on a scouting mission and they were going to soon follow. We got to Bless U and it was fairly quiet, so we knew we could get into some games with no problems. Colin and Barney showed up a little later without the bachelor, who was getting his groove on and busting out a few moves on the dance floor back at the loft.
We stuck around for a bit in Bless U, but we were running out of steam and ended up heading home - some of us in the dog house, while some of us were not. I'm sure Tony was paying the price today, but hopefully had a blast with good friends last night.

The Wrath...

2007-05-13T21:29:00.000+09:00

What a lovely Sunday. Birds were smiling, the sun was singing, I was shining...
It all started off slowly and pleasantly with an early morning wake up to catch some of the Senators and Buffalo game...hell of a game...the Sabers scoring with 5 seconds left or something nutty like that to force overtime. OT was constant end to end action and the Sens finally scored. Wow...I haven't seen a game like that in a while I must say.

LVJ scooted over around 2ish and we decided to go for lunch. I live right beside a church, so it is usually a bit busy on Sunday as you would expect, but there was a parking spot right in front of my house, so she parked there. With all the milling around going on, we thought it would be a good idea to leave her cell phone number just in case we had to move the car to let someone in or out or whatever, which is pretty much par for the course here, so not a big deal. Just as we were finishing up our tom yum and green curry, she got a call that went something like this (in Korean though of course)

LVJ: Hello
Guy: Yeah, is your car parked here? It is blocking my car.
LVJ: Yeah that's my car. I am just across the street, I will come and move it and let you out
Guy: (realizing that she was a young lady) Well, how stupid do you have to be to park your car there you dumb bitch? Fuck!
LVJ: Sorry. I'll be there in a minute

She turned pure red with anger, so I knew that the day was about to turn interesting. She told me the details of the conversation and so I said to her that I would take care of it...
I walked across the street seething with fury...I was enraged to the point that I had to phone LVJ back while I was on the way so that she could tell me not to pound the guy.
As I approached my front door, this guy had his motorcycle parked across the back of her car as a way of blocking it, and he was standing by the driver's door with his arms crossed trying to look like a tough guy.
He was expecting someone like this to come and move the car:

However, to his surprise, this guy showed up instead (christ...oddly this pic does look a little like me...same strong hair line!):

The look on his face was priceless when he realized that his little ploy to trap a young girl turned sour...he looked like a cornered weasel. I walked about an inch away from his face and began a tirade of expletives in several languages...this went on for a couple of minutes with him trying to say some shit, but me not hearing a bar of it and releasing the verbal hounds on him. He looked like he was going to cry (this is about a 45 year old man) and then an old man came out of his house to see what was going on. The old dude spoke to me in English, and seemed to understand that the guy had done something to me to set me off. The old guy started in on the rude guy, but when rudey started speaking, I just cut him off and continued screaming in his face. He started reaching for his phone to call for some back up, so I though I would wrap it up by giving him a double finger salute right in front of his eyes and motioning for him to move his bike (you see, he didn't need us to move the car...he wanted the spot for someone else, which infuriated me even more). He had that kind of expression like "oh man, I really fucked up" mixed with "I hate foreigners".

I drove off and parked about a block down with thoughts of the old ultraviolence on my mind...

Strangely, as we went and had some coffee at starbucks after that, I felt a great sense of relief, as though I had released a year's worth of pent up stress and frustration at once. In the long run, it is probably not good for my own longevity to wig out that severely - from both a heart attack stand point and also street fighting standpoint. Call me old fashioned, but there is no way in hell that any fucking dick like that is going to talk to my girlfriend that rudely, and moreover, when I saw his little intimidation tactic standing by the car, I felt not one bit of remorse for losing my cool.

On a completely unrelated note, the Korean chapter of Rageaholics Anonymous meets every second Thursday of the month at 730pm in Shinchon. All are welcome to attend. Coffee and squares to follow.

What a day...

2007-05-09T23:05:00.000+09:00

1. Class today was one of those days where I felt like
a) screaming at someone
b) telling someone to "fuck right off"
c) giving myself a lobotomy
d) checking to make sure that my students' brains were plugged in and in the on position
e) throwing my hands up in disgust and disbelief
f) suppressing my annoyance and using this blog as a release valve
g) all of the above

If you chose g), then you are correct. Let me give you a few vignettes from class...

when some dude said that he wouldn't mind visiting Mexico because he had watched a documentary on it or something, a dopey broad cuts in with "I hate Mexico...I don't like Mexican people at all." When asked why, she responded that even though she had never been there (and didn't appear to know SFA about it) a guy that she perceived to be Mexican asked her to dance one time - at a night club of all places! She thought that he was too forward, and therefore hates the whole country.
Apparently all Chinese people are dirty and smell bad. Chinese food is disgusting, and Chinese people have no manners. My students confirmed this by never having been to China, and eating jajangmyun (a Koreanized kind of Chinese food that is popular here)
Korean guys have better manners than guys from any other country, which is why so many "foreigners" love Korean guys, like "Bi" (is that "BEE" or "Buy"?)
A group of girls in class discussed at length the need for equality between men and women, then went on to stress the importance of trying to land a rich guy to marry above factors such as appearance, personality, love, trust, blah blah...to the point that one guy in class finally said to them "you are so shallow. Make your own money." That caused some tension for a minute...I was satisfied.
In the second class, an older lady explained to me in great detail how I need to go to church and read the bible faithfully in order to live properly. At that point I was considering choice b)

These incidents are nothing new really, and any teacher can pretty much hear this shit all the time, but for some reason, today it was annoying the hell out of me. Maybe it was all of them happening in the space of 2 hours. I usually prefer hear doses of idiotic comments thrice a day, usually after meals and accompanied by a glass of water. I took this photo with my camera phone during class...I think it will give you an idea of the caliber of conversation going on.

Thank you blogspot.com...giving me free space to air these beefs has probably prevented me from getting fired, going to jail, getting in a dust-up, or indeed, all of the above.

Vacation can't come soon enough

Tasty Beverage? None for me, thanks

2007-05-09T22:47:00.000+09:00

In setting this precedent, I can only imagine that the courts will be tied up for years. This has got to be one of the only cases on record of a Korean employee taking a stand against their boss.

Court Punishes Manager Over Forced Conviviality

In a decisive blow to office bullies who force colleagues to drink with them whether they want to or not, a court has ordered one such man to pay W30 million in damages to a junior co-worker (US$1=W928). The court heard that the man forced a junior female colleague to drink at dinner parties, and refused to let her go home. In March 2004, the 30-year-old woman went for a job interview with an online game manufacturer. After the official interview, she went to a drinking party, billed as a "drinking interview", along with a personnel manager identified as Choi (39). After drinking a couple of glasses of beer, the woman declined an offer of soju or Korean distilled liquor, pleading a bad stomach. But Choi insisted she would pass the booze test only after drinking until 3 o'clock in the morning.

At the instructions of Choi, all company staff had to attend at least two dinner parties a week. On one occasion, the woman attempted to sneak away. Choi called after her to come back, but she refused. At the next such “party”, she was severely scolded by Choi. On another occasion she attempted to mix her whiskey with water, saying she really could not drink much. But Choi told her to drink “or you’ll be in trouble with me,” the court heard. After some time, the woman started to suffer gastritis and migraine, and experienced frequent nausea after meals. She sought treatment and ended a four-year relationship with her boyfriend. Eventually, she filed suit against Choi.

The Seoul High Court on Sunday ordered Choi to pay the woman W30 million, increasing damages of W7 million awarded by a lower court. The bench said Choi “arranged more than two dinner parties a week and forced the plaintiff to drink without letting her go home until early in the morning.” It ruled this was an illegal act that infringed on the plaintiff’s right to self-determination and to freely enjoy her time after working hours, and caused her psychological pain.

I especially like the part where she uses her gastritis as an excuse to break up with her boyfriend.
"Sorry Jung Hoon...it's not you, it's me...I am so gassy because of all these late night drink-a-thons at work."

Call me cynical, but I am thinking that she knew she was getting 30 million, so she decided to ditch her boyfriend so she wouldn't feel obligated to buy him anything.
On the other hand, "saving your 30 million" is a common concept among Korean gals, as that seems to be the magic number required to get married...so really, who knows what the hell she was thinking...

Yikes

2007-05-04T00:05:00.000+09:00

Well, a trouncing tonight against Alley Ratz bruised the pride and bruised our stats. There were a lot of zeros on the board, sadly mostly on our side.

The Ratz had some problems fielding a team, and in hind sight, we could have driven them to a forfeit if we were going to be sticklers about it...and in the end, maybe we should have. We waited and juggled things around though and were able to get all of our games in. Yeob got us off to a tentative start dropping his games, and then TK put up a good battle against Max, but got blanked as well. I was glad to get a crack at Mitch, as he had beaten me before and it didn't sit well...but I got him 3-0 in singles and then Yeob and I took him and Ron 2-1 in doubles. The Big C couldn't get in the pocket against Ron in singles and then had a tough doubles 01 that came down to the wire (literally). He redeemed himself by hitting the double 18 in the team game (now 2 wins in a row on that rascal) to get our 6th leg of the night. 13-6...our worst loss of the year. Yikes indeed.

John swung by to try to put a hex on the Ratz and to lend some sage words of encouragement (thanks again John) but left with eyes watering as our shoddy play was like pepper spray to the eyes of all onlookers. We have a few days to reflect on the philosophical side of barroom athletics as we prepare to tackle "Take it Easy" on Monday.

Changed internet companies today after my previous company went bankrupt, so I will get down to some general blogging tomorrow and over the weekend.

Need an ego boost? Do this.

2007-05-02T14:02:00.000+09:00

After browsing around facebook, I rambled across this little item, so I decided to put the old birthdate in there to see what kind of vague generalities it had for me, but I'll be damned if it didn't hit it right on the head.

Your Birthdate: August 5

You have many talents, and you are great at sharing those talents with others.
Most people would be jealous of your clever intellect, but you're just too likeable to elicit jealousy.
Progressive and original, you're usually thinking up cutting edge ideas.
Quick witted and fast thinking, you have difficulty finding new challenges.

Your strength: Your superhuman brainpower

Your weakness: Your susceptibility to boredom

Your power color: Tangerine

Your power symbol: Ace

Your power month: May

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Revenge on the B Team

2007-05-01T22:18:00.000+09:00

Last night we ventured into the musty basement known as "Blue Frog" to lock horns with the "B Team" looking to avenge our hapless performance earlier in the season. We managed to pull through, but barely. Yeob got the ball rolling by handing out a solid ass kicking and then TK did the same. The Big C drew their cricket marksman for the third match and had him on the ropes in cricket but lost in a photo finish...hell of a game though. I went to warm up during their 01 game, and they must've been throwing some big numbers cuz it seemed to be over in a matter of seconds. I had a very strange match...the guy lead off by throwing a 7 mark against me in cricket, then hitting the triple 20 a couple of times while aiming at 18 to take a commanding lead after 9 darts each. I was finally able to get something going though and worked him on the 17's 16's and 15's to erase his lead and beat him to the bulls. Steady 01 games, but ended up losing 2 close games in the end, then Yeob and I were able to exact our revenge in doubles 01 by playing steady and coming out on top. Cricket was really close, but Colin and TK ended up dropping their games, which left us tied going into the team game. For once (actually the second time) we actually threw some big numbers and dished out a fairly decisive win to take the night.

Alley Ratz Thursday and Take It Easy on Monday to round out the season. Should be a great week.

SIDL UPDATE

2007-04-24T17:04:00.000+09:00

Sorry for not blogging lately...busy with a paper and midterms and general messing around.

We were scheduled for a key match up last night against the Alley Ratz, but unfortunately, they were a few players short, so they contacted me over the weekend to reschedule for some future date yet to be determined. It was unfortunate for me, as yesterday was one of the only Mondays that I didn't have to work, so I would have been able to get out there early and throw for a while instead of just jumping straight into a game. On the other hand, we are without our key piece of livestock, The Goat, as he is back home with the family for the time being. I'm sure he will relish a rematch with the Ratz in the upcoming weeks.

The Blessed Bulls (AKA Blue Bulls) had an eventful practice and mini tournament in Bless U. TK and I met out there early and chatted with a few A division dudes and the "Lady Survivors" until they left for their game. The Big C and SY showed up right after that and we got down to business. Many darts were thrown, several glasses emptied, and relentless jabs were thrown at Seung Yeob about his tongue ring. We had a lot of really good games, and it would appear that SY is out of his slump and ready for playoff action (could it be the tongue ring acting as a homing device?). Koichi had to meet some clients and couldn't get there til around midnight, when he floated into the pub using his eyelids as oars. All in all a fun time...I hadn't been out for a couple of weeks, and I think that cured my cabin fever.

In other notes:
- I didn't win my bet with LVJ about who was going to become the new "Apprentice." I had Frankie pegged early on to win it all...she had Heidi. I watched the finale episode last night when I got home and I must say it was pretty lame.
- Flames are out.
- Vancouver is in.
- Been listening to the games on NHL.com, which is not the best, but better than nothing. Radio announcers seem to generally be pretty biased, so it gives me more chances to mock them and yell obscenities at the computer rather than at the TV. At least now I can tell my kids?? or grandkids???? things like "I remember listening to that game on the radio!" which brings me one step closer to being an old man.

Quidam

2007-04-14T10:18:00.000+09:00

Last night Lady VJ, her parents and I attended the Cirque du Soleil performance "Quidam" at Olympic park. I have only met her folks once, so we thought that heading out to an event would make for a comfortable evening and give us a chance to chat a bit and enjoy some time together. We hooked up for some Thai food and then zoomed over to Olympic Stadium. We had great seats and the mood in the big top was buzzing with anticipation. Some performers mingled through that audience as people filed in and pulled a few wacky tricks and gags on people, and probably chose the "marks" for later, as there were a couple of segments of the show where audience members were hauled up on stage to do some hilarious and embarrassing stunts.
The next couple of hours were a mix of high flying danger, superhuman feats and a cunning array of stunts. Most impressive to me were the Diabolo Girls. They pulled out several incredible maneuvers , flips, twirls and leaps while spinning and passing around wooden spools with a rope. Rather than read about me trying to awkwardly fumble out a description in words, just check them out:

What an Imbecile

2007-04-10T19:00:00.000+09:00

I try and try to keep away from political chatter on here, but reading any Korean newspaper for 12 seconds or more fills me with a sense of rage. Last year, while everyone was hand-wringing about NK's nuclear situation and the return to the 6 party talks, Roh was skulking around in the shadows of the DMZ with a flashlight and throwing pebbles at KJI's window so that they could plan another $400 million dollar bilking of the South Korean people's tax dollars and clandestine Hyundai "donations" so that maybe they can meet in front of cameras just in time for the upcoming election I assume. BF Skinner was clearly wrong about his whole operant conditioning thing...Roh is immune to learning.
Here's a clip...click for the article

"President Roh Moo-hyun said yesterday that he ordered one of his personal aides to secretly contact North Korean officials last year for a possible inter-Korean summit, but dismissed criticism that he violated relevant laws in pursuing the secret contact."

The Bullfighter

2007-04-10T10:49:00.000+09:00

With The Masters just wrapping up, I thought I would cue up this clip about what it takes to be a great golfer...

Was that really a 180?

2007-04-10T10:00:00.000+09:00

After yesterday afternoon taking about a week to get through, I made it over to Bless U to throw a few darts around as we locked horns with Eberhardt. A strange day indeed. Singles clipped along fairly evenly but we got tuned in doubles...ouch. An interesting side show of note though was a member of the opposing team hitting a 180...I don't want to mention any names, so let's call him "Hothead Greg". The 180 was remarkable, but what was more remarkable was that when he did it, his own team didn't react at all. They seemed to not care. After seeing him have a meltdown on TK over the score, and then having a meltdown on his doubles partner for not giving him the right leave to double out, it became clear though.

We were generally owly after the game and I headed home thinking (insert montage of good times here) that we are supposed to be enjoying ourselves and playing as a way to relieve stress, not get more stressed out. So, I have resolved to stay cool, have fun, enjoy the night, find the beauty in hitting a 5, crack some jokes, chill out and let the good times roll. In doing so, the asses will kick themselves.

Leafs! Clutch Win

2007-04-08T14:12:00.000+09:00

Listened to the game this morning...a nail biter right down to the end. When it was all said and done though, the Habs were missing a key ingredient:

Tomorrow's Islanders and Devils match up will decide the Leafs fate...afternoon game, so I will either wake up and cartwheel around the house, or have a meltdown and pull out my own fillings. Either way, it promises to be dangerous.

Update - Long time in the words

2007-04-03T22:59:00.000+09:00

A whirlwind couple of days. Not that much blogerific material that is worthwhile, but here it goes:

you can get a quick darts update over at the Goat's blog if you care/dare. In brief, we won...struggled but won. I played like a clown, but hey, it beats working on a Monday night, so I will try to "keep it positive" as a wise woman once told me.
Check out the sidebar for a new addition: "Keel" The Bearded Wonder is posting up his book as it unfolds from his mind. Interesting story and great concept for publishing (posting??) a book I think. I rarely read a fiction novel, so I think making it part of my daily web surfing routine suits me perfectly.
For the Freudians out there, here are a couple of dreams I had...let me know what you determine them to mean...
1) I was suntanning in a lounge chair in a back yard of some sort and as I looked up, I saw a UFO. I was so happy to have finally seen one (not that I look for them or have any kind of general interest in them in particular, but I was really happy in my dream).There were 2 of them and they looked like clear saucers. As they got closer though, I noticed that they were attached with a kind of invisible rope or string...then one hit me in the forehead, then the other came crashing to the ground a second later. As I looked closely at them, they turned out to be clear or invisible mini soccer balls that had weather reading equipment in them.
2) My cat was playing with a gun on the floor of the living room, and for some reason I thought that she was sick and trying to kill herself. Lady VJ was here and I told her to look away because Kitty had to be put down because of her bad health. I shot Kitty with the gun, but the bullets were too weak and she was just laying on the floor gasping. I was freaking out and crying and telling LVJ "Don't look at her! Don't look! Look away!"
You may have determined that I am nuts and have stopped reading already, if so
Since you are so nosy and keep reading, I feel obligated to lay out some kind of juicy gossip to keep you coming back. In case you missed it, the following conspiracy theories have now been confirmed: Spam luncheon meat is actually made of pink erasers; If you drop 7 mentos mints into a pint of beer, sea monkeys swarm around and although they are delicious, they attack your gums while you sleep, resulting in gingivitis; The movie "Ghostbusters" was based on a diary found in the bottle that Genie lived in in "I Dream of Genie"; Walmart Drycleaners in Spokane, Washington have been injecting collars and seems with botox to make them extra sharp and edgy, thus driving several mom and pop dry cleaning operations out of business; Jaimie Foxx has married himself in a small civil ceremony in Puerto Vallarta

Good vs. Evil

2007-04-03T22:58:00.000+09:00

Golden Arches

2007-03-28T12:15:00.000+09:00

Too much standing up these days is causing unprecedented maladies of the soles. Now that I have discovered this map to better health though, everything should be perfectly fine within seconds. I'm too tired to think of anything more to say on this topic, so just make something up in your mind and pretend that you read it here.

VJ - "Darts and Ninjitsu don't mix."

2007-03-22T22:10:00.000+09:00

I thought I had been throwing darts about as accurately as throwing banana peels at road signs from a car window, so I bought this new practice board to try to sharpen up my game. I'm not really sure if it is helping though, as I can't seem to find the 20's, doubling out is all but impossible, I could barely finish a game of cricket, hitting the bull sets a satanic ritual in motion and if you happen to hit one of the dudes in pajamas, friends and neighbours are stricken with searing pain in a voodoo effect. Strangely, I have still been nailing that "1" in the bottom right corner very consistently. The manual that came with it recommended various strategies of defeating your opponent though, including:

salting someone's eyes when they are at the line
debilitating nerve pinches while shaking hands
joint manipulation (the human kind...not the smokey kind)
catching opponents darts out of the air before they hit the board
hiding in a shadow of the bar and shoulder rolling to the line when it is your turn
making your opponents eyes water by wearing a tight, black, full body jump suit.
humming or whistling at the fundamental frequency of your opponent's darts, making them disintegrate in the air.
throwing a few darts "just a bit inside" to brush your opponent back off the line

Playing the top team in the other division this week, so I will put these to the test. Unfortunately, I am going to have to work until 730 on Mondays now, so I might be playing a bit less, or maybe just a bit later. Aw hell, by that time of the evening, students are sick of being in class (as am I) so I'm sure we can all compromise and get out of there early!

Hubba Hubba

2007-03-22T21:42:00.000+09:00

Korea is fond of the word "hub." The media throws that word around like a short order cook juggles eggs in the morning. The main difference between those two is that after you have an omelet or a couple of sunny-sides, you generally feel satisfied and can carry on with your day...after reading the Herald or Times, you generally feel like laying down with a cool cloth over your eyes and listening to the pan flute until your headache goes away.

Click Here to see how many results pop up on the Korea Times website with the keyword "hub" from March 2006 to March 2007

Here are a few examples of the 210 uses of HUB in the past year...

City Looking to Become Hub for Entertainment
Cheju...planned for the island's growth into a Northeast Asian hub
Foreign companies' research and development (R&D) centers are leaving Korea, undermining the country's scheme of becoming the chief research hub of Northeast Asia
The Korean hub airport won the honor for the second consecutive year...
...hopes to be a Regional Business Hub
Korea’s hopes of becoming the logistics hub of Northeast Asia...
(About my University...Hongik) The spirit of the school is in keeping with Seoul’s project to make the city a cultural hub of Asia.
(About my former employer...HUFS) Through the center, the school will help the city, whether it be Seoul or Inchon, become an Asian cultural hub and boost the image of Korea in the international community
Yonsei University has joined a biomedical hub project in the Inchon Free Economic Zone

In most cases, articles are not about businesses or places being hubs, rather that they hope to be a hub, or are trying to be a hub, or planning on trying to be a hub, or hoping that they might try to make an effort at considering being a hub or hub-like hub. I guess you could say that Korea is a hub of potential hubs.

The Earth

2007-03-20T00:21:00.000+09:00

I've always really dug this pic, so I thought I would post it up. A few key areas of note...

North Korea and South Korea in contrast
The Dark continent...indeed
I need that East coast of North America to keep slugging down the energy so I can make some $$ with a few stock investments.
There seems to be a lot of room on the planet, so why don't we all just move one pace back and spread out a bit.

Enjoy.

The God Who Wasn't There

2007-03-18T23:53:00.000+09:00

It being Sunday, I thought I would observe the Sabbath by watching a documentary entitled "The God Who Wasn't There." It brought up several interesting points about religion from a historical standpoint, but the director eventually fell apart by revealing that he went to a Christian school and then went back to the school to have some sort of childish confrontation with his former headmaster. That in turn lead me to various readings about religious this and that: conservative politics and complaints about liberal religious views, Westboro Baptist Church, a few atheist readings, evangelical scams, free will and then of course a few hockey highlights (dammit...the Leafs!).
A few thoughts on the above:

mixing personal beefs and vendettas with otherwise fairly informative commentary makes for bad viewing
Westboro Church...how does that place keep afloat?
I'm not sure if many conservatives stand for anything anymore, except for the fact that they want to point out that everyone else is always wrong. Tiring...and in my opinion, it is not really in line with my own conservative values. Strap on a pair...say something and stand behind it.
Some dude in Houston is claiming to be the second coming of Jesus, and as far as I'm concerned, he probably is every bit as god like as the original Jesus.
Philosophy requires reading things that singe my mind and make me need to catch a siesta on the couch.
The Leafs better pull it together and get in the playoffs.

I don't mean to offend any of you God fearing folks out there in VJ land, but I stumbled across this site and it brought a smile to my face...after reading all these complex arguments and scripture quotes and philosophical hodge podge, this lays it straight. God FAQ

Geckos Shenanigans

2007-03-14T00:07:00.000+09:00

Darts at Geckos last night proved to be a good time. Geckos is on "The List" for its piss poor service and staff that are about as friendly as the anger management support group that meets there every second Tuesday of the month. No incidents with the staff last night though, as they never once approached us...

At any rate, on to the darts...I lead off again, which was a diamond for me last season, but is getting mixed results so far. I kicked off the match by getting taken to the cleaners in cricket. I was in need of a sherpa to navigate me towards the cricket numbers as I continuously pounded triple 2's (seemed like I hit it about 10 times...may have been 17 times, may have only been once...who knows). 01 was much better as I got in the groove, but the guy I was playing was throwing cricket like a maniac last night and put me out of my misery in the third. He played a hell of a cricket game again I must say.

Colin has been playing really well as of late and kicked ass. TK was depressed about something but held on to win. The Goat ate a tin can and then handed out a beating. Doubles went as planned as well, but I'll be damned if we could close out that team game.

TK and I won '01 2 straight, but when I looked at the sheet at the end of the night, it was marked 2-1, so I double checked with the lads and sure enough, it was 2 straight; however, the Geckos chaps seemed to have developed sudden memory loss and "couldn't remember." I wanted to check with the scorer to be sure (he was from their team and surely would remember struggling with mathematics through 3 games instead of 2) but he was mysteriously not to be found. I suggested giving him a buzz, which was at first rejected, but then they finally rang him and he confirmed that we had swept it. Kind of a strange feeling at the end though...it seemed like they thought I was trying to be a jerk about it, but I wasn't at all...I just wanted to make sure it was correct.

I spent the day today practicing a new stance and technique that I think will improve my score immensely in next week's match. I double checked the rules and didn't see anything wrong with it whatsoever. Here I am this afternoon firing a few darts around in my back yard as The Goat and TK look on...not a treble 2 the whole afternoon. I think I'm cured.

Boston's Brad Delp

2007-03-13T23:35:00.000+09:00

Well, Boston's singer, Brad Delp died the other day and I meant to get a posting up a bit sooner. I looked all over the place for a good video of them from back in the day, mostly to see a couple of ragged beards and 3 foot high bonnets of hair, but couldn't find anything decent, so I settled for this bootleg from a live show. I have always been a big fan of Boston and I recommend to music lovers everywhere that you take a few minutes out of your day and listen to Boston's 1st. self titled album.

Something about bands in the 70's though...it seems that they were so into their ~ahem~ "music" that they were a bit slack on the hair care products and grooming essentials. 30 years later it makes for some good picture viewing though.

Gary the No Trash Cougar

2007-03-10T12:27:00.000+09:00

School is back in session and it is great to see all the kids in my neighbourhood heading off to their newly built school with it's freshly manicured dust and brick playground. (I would take a picture, but it seems rainy and chilly outside and I am too lazy to bother)
At first the new school was driving me absolutely insane with its annoying music blasting every morning, like an audio bat signal alerting the good children of nogosan-dong (and probably most of Mapo-gu) that it was time to go to school. I must've not been the only one annoyed, as the music has since stopped. One of the more vexing things about the kids though is that they seem to take a lot of pride in littering, so I thought that I would steal a page out of the old Peter Griffin scrap book and make an appearance as "Gary the No Trash Cougar" to teach the kids to start giving a larbage.

Grading curve gone around the bend

2007-03-07T15:05:00.000+09:00

A buddy of mine over at Myongji College passed this tale of the unusual my way a few days ago. Names, dates and facts have been obscured to protect the innocent and VJ Enterprises from potential law suits.

It all started with a cheater. Not the run of the mill dopey freshman bonehead who "doesn't know better," but a senior. A woman (girl, lady, lass, female, testicularly challenged member of humanity...whatever the PC expression is these days), henceforth referred to only by her family name, Lee, to be exact. Last semester's final exam was highlighted with Lee getting caught in the act pulling out a cheat sheet which caught the eye of the all seeing, all knowing Owl Man known as her professor. The Owl Man of course brought the hammer down and gave Lee 0 on the final exam, which resulted in her receiving an F in the class. Now, for those of you not familiar with the Korean education system, it is all but impossible to give someone an F in class, no matter how little work they have actually done or how much they have cheated. An F or D usually results in someone from the University Administration office ringing a professor and explaining the old party line, "you have to understand his/her situation and give them a C." (That is better left to another conversation at another time) However, the F stood and Lee indeed failed the class, and as a result could not graduate.

Some of you may wonder, "What happened next?" while others click on and sigh, "Who gives a ~?"

What is indeed happening is that Lee didn't feel like taking a winter class in order to graduate or try to enroll in another class to finish up her degree...no no no. She figured that she was robbed of her chance to graduate and is now suing the college and also the professor. Yes indeed. Now, I am not sure how this is possible, but lawyers have been known to get on board any shot in the dark in hopes of making some cash, so it is not all that hard to believe.

I hope that this doesn't see any kind of courtroom or even a settlement, or it will be absolutely impossible to fail anyone ever again. If I hear any more about this, I will post it up as it happens.

(Artist's rendering of the way the cheating may or may not have happened:)

Coach Jules

2007-03-06T22:56:00.000+09:00

Ha! I was strolling through a collection of "cheap shots" on you tube and remembered this gem from a couple of years back. Enjoy. Inglewood jack!

This game seems like poker, only we're idiots...

2007-03-06T19:03:00.000+09:00

This number reminded me of the first Poker extravaganza at The Goat's place many moons ago. As the night wore on into the sunrise hours, the quality of play dropped to unspeakable levels. I would love to hit the casino here, but my past track record of wildly erratic play doesn't lend itself well to coming out on the plus side of things. Could be fun though...

Pride 33

2007-02-24T12:54:00.000+09:00

Tomorrow is going to be an awesome day of scraps and darts over at the Goat's hacienda. Pride 33 is promising to be dynamite...Silva and Henderson as the main event. Silva is an animal, so I can't see Henderson holding on to beat him, but he is a tough MF, so it should be great. More to come on this event tomorrow night or monday. For now, enjoy the preview.

The Oracle

2007-02-22T02:47:00.000+09:00

The 80's...what a twisted time. No wonder I am such a crack pot.

Rev. VonJackass on the future:
"I have never made a prediction, and I never will."

Fly on V-Wing

2007-02-20T13:24:00.000+09:00

"I know what you're thinking: 'Did he fire six shots or only five?' Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But being this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya, punk?"

There is something about that expression "clean off" that cracks me up. It came to mind because last night, before our darts match with "Take it Easy," I wired out and the barrel of my dart broke clean off. What a pain. Le Goat lent me his needles for my game though, so it was not too bad. They knew their way around the board on their own. I fired off a note to Harrows and to 9Dart to see if they will replace them. Wait and see I guess. In the mean time, I will go back to my Power Points. With the alarming number of bounce-outs these days, it may be a good idea anyway.

All games last night were close...Damn. Always good games with the lads from Dolce Vida. A couple of triples here and there would have put us in the win column a few more times, but the season is still young. SaKu is going to get on a hot streak soon and then there will be trouble. That team game is getting under everyone's skin these days. We haven't won that bastard yet. Next week...next week.

My poor V-Wings:

"VJ...remove your hands from your throat before throwing darts please" - Various Artists

2007-02-13T08:00:00.000+09:00

Look at this sick bastard. Ten butcher knives with his feet?

Last night marked a new low in darts. We played "The B Team" and unfortunately we played like the F team. Where the hell are B.A. and Face when you need them? Struggle, struggle...we lost. Now 1-3. The only good news that came out of that debacle is that the Old Man got on the winning side of things.

Adding monetary injury to that insulting loss, The Goat and I fumbled through 9 games against the guys from the Alley Ratz and came out W30 000 on the losing end. I should have known better, but I honestly thought that I would find the groove after tanking so badly in league play. The groove remains on the FBI's most wanted list.

Nobody practices more than we do, and nobody tanks games more either. Cripes! Ah well, what's done is done...next week will be interesting. I am downloading Judge Desmuke's audio book right now for a few pro tips.

Toro = Bull(shit)

2007-02-13T07:40:00.000+09:00

An early morning, a browse over the news, a frown.

Apparently, Toro Magazine is out of print. What is Toro you ask? I asked as well, but then again, I am not that up on my reading.
From Wikipedia.com

Toro is a Canadian men's magazine. It launched its first issue in April 2003. The magazine is upscale, intellectual and sophisticated, similar to GQ and Esquire, magazines from the United States and England. It targets affluent Canadian men.

Hmmm. Targeting affluent Canadian men. Interesting. Tell me more.

CBC's article on Toro pretty much sums it up. The owner of the magazine doesn't blame his concepts, writers, photographers, marketers or anyone else working for the magazine; he blames the consumers for not buying it, and companies for not paying more to advertise in it. Even more shockingly, he blames the government for not supporting his failing idea with an unlimited line of cash.

"Despite steady annual growth, it's become clear that the advertising revenue available in Canada for a general-interest men's magazine is such that even a very high-quality book like Toro can, at best, manage to sustain itself. Sadly, the limited advertising pool in the men's category, combined with rising operating costs and a lack of government funding, made it impossible to continue on."

I would like to nominate that for idiotic statement of the day. Wait, it is only 8AM, so I'm sure something more ludicrous will be in print...after all, I haven't read the Korea Herald yet...

Mini Moto Announces Retirement

2007-02-12T13:53:00.000+09:00

Seoul, ROK (Yonhap) The Mini-Moto known to friends and coworkers as "Igor 2000" has retired.

Reports out of Nogosan Dong say that over the past few months Igor has been "sluggish, unkempt and generally lagging behind in his duties."

A spokesperson close to Igor says that the retirement will give him more time to golf, play shuffleboard and keep up with his hobby of secretly taking photographs of wackos on the subway.

Soon after the announcement, VonJackass Enterprises announced that a replacement has been named. RAZR MS500 (known as "Black Betty") has joined the team and is starting to settle in.

A Very Sad Note

2007-02-12T11:09:00.000+09:00

An article about Anthony's brother. I know the family is going through a hard time right now and my thoughts are with them.
- Scott

Toms River man dies in Iraq

Cpl. Thomas Saba, 30, killed in copter crash

Published: Saturday, February 10, 2007

Staten Island Advance

A Marine from Toms River who died Wednesday in Iraq had decided a month ago to forgo his discharge in April and extend his tour until September.

Cpl. Thomas Saba, 30, was one of seven Americans killed when a U.S. Marine transport helicopter crashed Wednesday in a field northwest of Baghdad.

“He was due to come home,” said his mother, Barbara, as she and her husband, Tony, waited Thursday to return from vacation in Florida to their Toms River home. “He didn't have to go to Iraq. He chose to go. He wanted to be with his brothers.”

Marine Corps officials said it appeared the helicopter's pilot was trying to make a quick landing of the 30-year-old CH-46 Sea Knight and lost control of the burning helicopter as it descended near Fallujah in Anbar province.

Witnesses said they saw no signs that the aircraft was involved in hostile fire, but an Iraqi air force officer said the helicopter was brought down by an anti-aircraft missile, The Associated Press reported.

An al-Qaida-linked group, the Islamic State in Iraq, claimed in a statement posted on an extremist Web site that it shot down the helicopter.

The other servicemembers killed included four Marines and two Navy personnel.

Saba moved with his family to Toms River in the late 1990s. He made a five-year commitment to the Marines shortly after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, enlisting April 21, 2002.

For most of the time leading up to his Iraq deployment, Saba was assigned to the Marine Medium Helicopter Squadron 262, The Flying Tigers, in Okinawa, Japan. The January deployment to Iraq was the first combat deployment of the squadron since the Vietnam War.

Tony and Barbara Saba, who are retired, rented a home in Vero Beach, Fla., for February. They were in a movie theater in Vero Beach when they got a phone call with the news.

“We had been aware that a helicopter went down,” Barbara Saba said. “We were just hoping it wasn't him.”

They last spoke with their son Saturday, when he called to check on them after tornadoes tore through central Florida on Feb. 2, killing 20 people. He last visited them in Toms River during Christmas.

Barbara Saba described her son as a “very, very loyal American,” who decided he would give anything for his country after the 2001 terrorist attacks.

“He was very, very patriotic,” she said. “He was a Marine through and through. He didn't want to hear any criticisms of (President) Bush.”

Whenever asked about the war, he would emphasize the need to defend America, his father said.

“He said, ‘What do you think I went in for?'” Tony Saba said.

Sonja Debs, Saba's aunt and godmother, said she cried through the night after learning of his death at 5:20 p.m. Wednesday.

“It hurts,” said Debs, of Staten Island. “We used to enjoy going to Applebee's to have a meal together” whenever Saba was on leave. The 82-year-old said she frequently sent him e-mails, most recently Saturday.

“We're a very close-knit family,” she said.

The wife of World War II Army veteran Victor Debs, who died in 2004, Sonja Debs said she failed to dissuade her nephew from going to Iraq. ¶

“It was something he wanted to do. He said, ‘Do you want 9-11 to happen again? I'm going to fight for my country,'” she said. “There is a God and we cannot choose what is deemed for us. You don't know how much I'm going to miss him.”

Other than his parents, Saba is survived by his brother, Anthony, and his two sisters, Mary Ellen Ditchkus and Laura Saba.

Barbara Saba said she expects her son's body to be flown to New York sometime next week. She said he will be buried either in Moravian Cemetery, on Staten Island, or Arlington National Cemetery.

Arrangements had not been finalized as of Thursday.

Reporting done by Glenn Nyback, Staten Island Advance

Tesla - Two man electric jam

2007-02-10T15:56:00.000+09:00

For those of you who like to keep the environment spic and span (No whining Kyoto posts here please...that means you Harper), check out this TESLA. Can you just imagine cruising around a small town in Idaho with the top down and blasting a few old Tesla albums while you silently whirrrrr up and down main street whistling at the only single girl under 20 years old who is also under 250 pounds? Sweet meat pies.

Anyway, I want this. And not just for the girls from Boise.

EVO

2007-02-10T15:50:00.000+09:00

Well, this looks like a juicy auto. I get this instinctive urge every couple of months to check out cars...ahhhhhhhhhh driving. One of the true joys.

"It really does make a belly dancer look like she's got hooves."

Raging Bulls

2007-02-08T18:54:00.000+09:00

Late getting this up and on the blog, but that's the way it goes. The Blessed Bulls pulled into the win column by scratching out a clutch victory against the Alley Ratz team, who play out of my old haunt, 3 Ally Pub (not one of the Goat's favorites). As you can see from this photo, the turning point was when the Old Man gave a motivational speech to The Goat to get out there and kick some ass, while I looked on and smiled.

Having an existential crisis? DO NOT READ THIS.

2007-02-03T11:30:00.000+09:00

Aldous was a bit pessimistic. Was it the LSD? Was it a nagging wife? Was it frustration over his neighbour's kids walking across his lawn every day after school? Was it because he had the name "Aldous"? The answers to these and other questions can be found in his recently discovered and newly released book:
"A Brave New Neighbourhood" In it he recounts the heart warming, hellacious and hilarious tales of the 14 years he spent living beside the Langenmeyer family. Terry Langenmeyer, a mentor to young Aldous, eventually ran off with Huxley's 3rd wife (whom he always considered to be his favorite - even though she was "as flat chested as Langenmeyer himself") Aldous found true love at Mardi Gras in 1952 with a woman named "Denise" even though Huxley was thrice her age at the time. Unfortunately true love only lasted a couple of hours and then he lost her in a maze of beads, beer and blues music.

You can enjoy the rest of the sordid tale on your own. A good read.

Proposal...in the books

2007-02-03T10:34:00.000+09:00

I got my research proposal finished up last night. As these things go, I felt both a great sense of relief that it was done, but also a tingling of anxiety that some professor is going to look at it and expose me for my half-assery and extreme bullshitting. The way I see it though, nobody seems to know what the hell is going on, so it comes down to the old adage, "You pay your money, you take your chances."

On a linguistic note...
If you believe in words and weird graphic interpretations of words, children, like your Uncle VonJackass does, be sure to check out this link to some new fangled dictionary that I thought was pretty cool in a nerdy sort of way.

Visuwords Website - the online graphical dictionary

Well well well

2007-01-28T21:51:00.000+09:00

I thought I would punch a quick update on here just to refresh things a bit. Here's the news:

1) I am in the final week of preparing my research proposal. It seems to be coming together slowly but smoothly. Reading sucks. Oh yeah...I'm supposed to be a teacher...reading is GREAT!

2) USQ informed me today that I don't have to conduct a research project next semester, rather I can choose any graduate class in Education in order to finish up my degree. I promptly signed up for a sociolinguistic course cuz it seemed to be the most straightforward thing I could take (which means it has the easiest assignments!)

3) I appear to have f*cked up my visa by mixing up the dates on my passport and immigration card, so tomorrow promises to be one of those super annoying and stressful journeys into the heart of the immigration office. I will keep you posted, but I would say there is about a 50-50 chance of me having to take a "vacation" to get a new visa, which is not all that bad, but not the best possible scenario right now.

4) Darts league kicked off last week. We started things off with a narrow 10-9 loss though. Tomorrow night we will look to get back to .500 with a win against Hollywood's. I am preparing a motivational speech for the team, and it seems to be pretty inspirational if I do say so myself. .

5) 2007 seems to have kicked off with a lot of our local hang-outs pissing us off deeply. For an overview of places that are now boycotted, in the bad books, on the verge of being egged, and/or generally scorned, see The Goat's blog.

6) Yap Yap Yap. Here's a cartoon: (click on it or get a microscope out to read it if you keep one handy around your computer)

Leafs New Rookie

2007-01-10T20:16:00.000+09:00

As many of you know, I am a die hard Leafs fan, so it pains me to post this up, but I'm sure you will agree this photo is an absolute classic. After a lot of hockey watching (more on that in the near future) in Canada over the vacation, I am back in Seoul and back to the grind. Checked out an email today from my uncle though that included this quip:

PS: I just was sent a picture from my Toronto office of the new rookie that the Maple leaf's just acquired prior to the trade deadline. It is attached.

I laughed and then cried...

Struck Down in the Spirit

2006-12-14T01:35:00.000+09:00

A little something to go with the theme of Blessed Bulls

Oh yeah, I dug out this old candid of Jesus I snapped while he was working on his poses for the cover of his 7th album "Guess Who's Back?" (featuring the smash hits "Clap for Jesus" "New Testament Polka" and "The Macarena")

Blessed Bulls

2006-12-13T15:27:00.000+09:00

Friends and neighbours
We have formed a new darts team after a lot of debate and hand wringing about how to pull a houdini from the 3 Alley team. We wanted to get a new team rolling with The Goat, The Bearded Wonder, and me, so we have moved to "Bless U" bar and are now called the "Blessed Bulls" We debated several names, including:

Blue Bulls
KC and the Sunshine Band
VJ and the Vears
Baklava Gina's (the owner's name is Gina)
Balaclava Gina
The 4 Ginas
The Goat Footed Balloon Men
180 Degrees
United Beard Growers Darts Society
The Double B's
AHHHCHOOOO
Watch out for Jesus

Artists are working around the clock to come up with a new team Logo. We have given them a concept something like this:

But instead of Bugs Bunny, we want this likeness of Jesus instead.

Ohhhh...that was offside.

Anyway, watch for our merchandise to be out just in time for Christmas...so if you are looking for that perfect stocking stuffer for the guy who has everything, remember, you can't miss with a "Blessed Bulls" T-shirt, hat, tattoo, cell phone cover, diaper set, cane, shoe horn warmer, Christmas tree ornament, personalized pencil, motor oil funnel, back scratcher or oven mitts.

White Ninja

2006-12-10T14:32:00.000+09:00

This cartoon somehow reminded me of the kind of psychological warfare that went on among my sisters and I growing up, and to some extent continues to this very day. God I am looking forward to getting home for Christmas...woowooo. Let the mind games begin.

Oh yeah...and by the way, I just threw a 180. Kick ass!

It's Beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas

2006-12-09T10:40:00.000+09:00

Well, this will get you in the spirit of things I hope. My niece paid a visit to the Jolly Old Elf and I do believe that she asked him for a bonnet to keep her thin, blond upper story nice and warm, a bag of foil wrapped chocolate santas, and a pair of wild cougars to protect her from her brothers.

Post your Christmas wish list in the comments section. Uncle VJ will take a look at your internet ISP address history to decide if you have been naughty or nice this year and will pass along his recommendation to St. Nick personally.

Sometimes...sometimes...

2006-12-07T23:15:00.000+09:00

Just like my old pal "Furious George" here, from time to time I get a deep guttural urge to tear someone apart. Today is one of those times. It is inexplicably unexplainable and unexplainably inexplicable. It is understandable actually...my patience is wearing thin - no, not wafer thin, but thinner...like as thin as the flap that is folded back during lasik surgery.

Tick...tick...tick...I gotta get on vacation before something outrageous happens. Serenity now...serenity now.

Darts Season Comes to a Close

2006-12-06T12:34:00.000+09:00

Darts season wrapped up on Monday as we failed to make the playoffs this season. I have to admit though, that after being in the basement of the "C" division last season, we did well to scramble into second last in "B" division. The team is in jeopardy right now as there appears to be some uncertainty about returnees. The next season doesn't start until mid January, so plenty of time to sort it out.

Monday night we faced off against the #1 team in the league, which features the top three players in the league as well, so we knew it was going to be a long shot. As the "Bearded One" and I made it to 3 Alley, we discussed our impending doom and hoped to throw well and not get blown out. As luck of the draw would have it, I got paired up against a cat named "Duke" believe it or not in the first singles match. He is the top player in the league and had only lost one match this season (I am ranked about #25). I was pretty relaxed to play him, as I had no expectations and he is quite a friendly guy, so I knew it would be fun either way. I won the bull and chose 501 as the first game and was throwing well and keeping pace with him as we counted down...I started tensing up a bit as I began to realize that I had a chance to beat him if I kept on throwing well. I had a dart to win it, but missed a double 9 by a fraction and then ended up losing game 1. Just to have a dart to beat him though was exciting, and I was pumped up going into the cricket leg. I was right on the mark and closed out the first cricket game with a 3 bull combo. One leg each...wooohooo. We went at the bull again and Duke chose cricket for the rubber match. It was close getting down to the end of the cricket leg and I had 16 open and was 21 points down. I pulled a trick out of the Bearded One's book and took a look at 16 from an angle and sure enough, I threw the triple. I closed the bulls with the next dart and then had only to hit one bull to win. God...what a good feeling. Surprisingly Duke was pretty cool about it. There are lots of guys in the league that get really pissed off when they lose, but we went and had a Jager and a laugh after.

Beardy went up against the #2 player in the league and played well, but #2 played a spectacular match and never gave him any openings. He was able to win a leg from Duke and company in a doubles cricket match though with a hot 5 mark start on the 20's that Dukey couldn't recover from. Nice Nice.

Darts...there is not a more frustrating and satisfying game. Looking forward to next season.

Lady VonJackass

2006-12-06T11:51:00.000+09:00

Lady VonJackass is currently on a European road swing for work, which ostensibly seems like it should be a great way to enjoy some travel on the company dime and do a little work in between. However, unfortunately her boss has come down with a severe case of chronic, debilitating "Ajossi Syndrome" that affects the medulla oblongata and corpus callosum, resulting in a severe loss of brain activity and the inability to think with reason, logic or compassion for other human beings. In effect, the level of cognitive development gets stunted at the pre-operational stage, resulting in a grown human form with the social skills and cognitive functioning of a 3-4 year old child.

Case in point, as they traveled from Germany to Paris, Lady VonJackass was feeling quite sick with a sore throat, stuffy nose and fever, so upon arriving in the "City of Lights" she decided that she would not accompany the group to dinner and drinks, but rather take some cold medicine and get some much needed rest and hopefully be feeling better for the next day's meetings with the French Olympic committee. She woke up the next day feeling much better and did an excellent job during the official meetings; however, was the boss happy? No, he pouted because he said she was too selfish because she didn't go out with them the night before. He spent most of the day not talking to her or anyone else and then when evening fell, he wanted to spend some time and tax payers money at a casino, so he dragged the staff from the hotel down the street to a nearby gaming house and told LVJ and another staff member that they should sit and watch him play the slot machines just in case he needed to talk to a casino staffer and needed them to communicate. After about 2 minutes of this idiotic idea, LVJ said to hell with this and went back to the hotel with a few other coworkers, leaving the boss with his secretary, who for some reason was more than happy to sit idly by and watch this numb nuts play the shot machines for 4 or 5 hours. Again in the morning the boss was pouting like a child because he thought it was rude that everyone left the casino (they didn't want to play in the first place) and left him there alone (apparently the secretary doesn't count as a person). The only upswing to these incidents for everyone it seems is that when the boss gets mad, he pouts and doesn't talk, so then nobody has to listen to him whining like a spoiled child.

Sunday I am supposed to drop by the airport to pick her up, and I have been daydreaming of kicking her boss right in the yarbles or slapping a sleeper hold on him when I see him...Somehow I know though that no matter what anyone does to him, he can't change his behaviour. It is his natural state and he doesn't know any better. After all, he is afflicted with Ajossi Syndrome.

R.O.C.K. in N.O.R.K.

2006-12-02T01:52:00.000+09:00

I can barely even comment on this, but check out the North Korean music charts below. With a toe tapper like "Juche (Self Reliance) farming method is the only method" topping out the charts, there might be hope yet for my band's (VJ and the Toll Gate Auditors) latest release "The best way to snare a muskrat is with 13 gauge wire."

KOREAN TOP 20 SINGLES CHART

TW-LW
01 - 06 The Farming Collective of the Northwest - "Juche Farming Method is the Only Method"
02 - 01 Latoya Jackson - "C'est La Vie"
03 - 03 MC Cho - "Love The Americans (Hate The Imperialists)"
04 - 05 Hong Sae-Mi featuring MC Cho - "Golden Star for the Fatherland"
05 - 02 Kim Yong Yok - "Together In Defense of Socialism 06"
06 - 08 Bananarama vs. Kim Yong Yok - "Juche In The First Degree"
07 - 11 Korean Anti-Fascist Protection Assembly - "Bombs Over New York City"
08 - 04 The Pipettes - "Pull Shapes"
09 - 14 Scissor Sisters - "I Don't Feel Like Dancin'"
10 - 12 Shark Attack from Tumen River - "Dance! (Give It Your All For The Motherland)"
11 - 07 Mr Jong-Sung - "I Am Blind (But I Can Still See The Revolution)"
12 - 15 Kasabian - "Empire"
13 - NE Lee Jin and the Songun Heroes - "Let's Gather Mulberry Leaves"
14 - 17 Lily Allen - "Smile (Censored Version)"
15 - 09 Bob Sinclar - "Everybody Movin'"
16 - NE Psapp - "Hi"
17 - 13 Bae Cho-Won - "If Our Party Decides.... We Do"
18 - 19 Lisa Miskovsky - "Mary"
19 - 10 Old Lesbians of Choson - "(People Hold On) Socialism Will Set You Free"
20 - 16 Lee Ji-Ma - "Please Accept Our Salute, Dear Leader"

Banking Magic

2006-11-29T16:40:00.000+09:00

Ohhh the bank...always full of wonder. I always get the feeling that no matter what I am doing in the bank, the teller reacts like it has never been done before, and then proceeds to phone 9 other people in the building to see if it is indeed possible. There is a lot of head scratching and breathing through the teeth until finally money goes where it should and I am on my way...usually wondering if I have just deposited money, or in fact I have donated to the bank employee Christmas fund.

There is always that one trusty employee though that a guy has been to a few times and seems to get the hang of the forms and number crunching involved, and I try to stay loyal to that clerk...however, in this age of MBA's, some flea bag manager usually rotates the staff in the following order (which "Wharton Hyundai Ivy Princeton Yale Business College of Korea" has richly instilled in graduates in their "Secret American Business Tactics" class since 2005):
teller to loans officer to security guard to washroom cleaner to pamphlet straightener to fund manager, and then back again. Thus, the average bank customer has a better chance of playing pick up sticks with his anus than drawing a teller that actually knows what is going on.

2006-11-28T23:59:00.000+09:00

Midnight Special

After hearing Paul Maurice describing Darcy Tucker as a "special player" 38 times in one interview, it started to get on my nerves. Maybe it's just me, but the use of the word "special" in hockey journalism is ridiculous. There are adjectives upon adjectives for describing people, and I would assume that writers / journalists would be able to crack open a thesaurus now and then to come up with ingenious expressions now and again rather than relying on a worn out word that has been stripped of all real meaning. As the saying goes though, many writers get unlimited mileage out of a limited vocabulary.

Here is a brief list of examples describing everyone from Gretzky to Nolan to some no name hack that played 3 games for the Devils back in 97.

Bowman said. "You were a special player, and a special player in my heart."
Ken Hitchcock, coach of the rival Philadelphia Flyers, hailed Lemieux as a "special player, special player, special talent."
Orr did everything by himself with tremendous injuries and I believe he was the most special player to ever play…
On Crosby “He’s truly a special player.”
Gretzky truly is in his own category. Love him or hate him , you have to admit he was a special player
"But we feel Owen Nolan is a special player."
"I spent six years here that were very special, so I'm sure I had a little extra tonight,"
"It's a special feeling when you come back to your former team.”
"It is a pretty special feeling to know you have the community behind you,"
Boucher has special night in Stars' 5-3 win

Come on now...I know that most players have the equivalent of a 6th grade Jethro Bodean education and coaches maybe a 9th grade education, but writers have supposedly gone to school to get what Mr. Valiaho called "The Dictionary Habit" back in grade 4.
Regardless of all this jive, it makes about as much sense listening to professional athletes talking as watching Leno and Letterman face off in a game of canasta against Larry King and Oprah while they all eat sunflower seeds.
Is there a sports cliche getting on your nerves? Post it up in the comments section and I will pass it along to Dave Hodge. He will throw pencils until something gets done about it.

2006-11-26T10:45:00.000+09:00

A shot at some video

The Goat told me just how easy it is to get some vids on the blog, so here is a first attempt. What better way to kick it off than with Sakuraba kicking some ass...

2006-11-20T11:20:00.000+09:00

Eggs and Darts

Yesterday kicked off with "Breakfast at Barry's" with the Barrister whipping up eggs benedict and pouring up a few spicy caesars to get a jump on the morning. He had a bit of clamato left over from a trip back to Canada, so he thought it would be a nice way get sharpened up for the darts tourney going on in the afternoon.

Lorne, Barry and I made it to 3 Alley right at 1pm, the start time for the event, but we could have shown up a few hours later as it was a slow haul getting through some of the preliminary rounds with only one dart board. Anyway, we shot a bit of pool, had a beverage, a snack, a chat, a few cigars, read the paper, took a siesta, shopped on ebay, solved a few sidoku puzzles, wrote and recited a couple of limericks, figured out our taxes, and thumbed through the underlined passages of War and Peace; then we waited.

Darts finally flew and we got some pretty decent games in. The Goat got short changed in doubles by being the odd man out and having to choose a partner from the lower division, who turned out to be not bad though. My partner was a wizard at bulls, so it gave us a bit of an edge on everyone right off the bat cuz he was pretty accurate at piercing one or two in the first couple of rounds. We squeaked through a rematch with Roddy and Colin and walked away with the cash.

Singles was a bit wilder. Colin and I met up for the third time of the day, but both of us got off to slow starts and chipped along until finally I got through. The Goat and I met up in round two and he was handing me a beating, but a sturdy 5 bull comeback took me into the finals where Roddy and I locked up in 01. He is a cricket master, so I wanted to stay away from that if possible, but in the end it didn't matter as he sent me on my way after we battled for the double out.

A quick steak at Hollywood's after and I was home for some shut eye. The only problem with going to bed so early is that I then wake up early, so I was up around 4am seeing what was on the tube...nothing, as you might expect. I am burnt out today...my class might not be up to par...oh well, I have given them all the knowledge I have already, so what more can they expect!

2006-11-16T22:23:00.000+09:00

Well, I don't really want to get all political on here, but this is a little something that I read as I linked along several blogs which eventually brought me to wikipedia (ahhh, you know how that goes...next thing you know, 3 hours have gone by!)

"His primary rules were: never allow the public to cool off; never admit a fault or wrong; never concede that there may be some good in your enemy; never leave room for alternatives; never accept blame; concentrate on one enemy at a time and blame him for everything that goes wrong; people will believe a big lie sooner than a little one; and if you repeat it frequently enough people will sooner or later believe it."

Any guesses who the "His" in the first sentence refers to? Roh? KJI?

Find the answer here! And don't blame me if your whole work day is then shot from surfing through wikipedia for hours...

2006-11-10T09:53:00.000+09:00

2006-11-10T01:02:00.000+09:00

VJ is Back. Watch out for flying debris.